I hate history. The more I learn about the world I’ve been inhabiting for long enough to know something something, the more I admonish myself for being so clueless. Over the Labor Day weekend I visited the third tallest national monument in the country. Gotcha! I’ve seen it every summer for most of my life but didn’t know why it was erected (and yes it looks like a big phallic symbol) and what it stood for, ahem. (There is another great joke on the tip of my tongue if I wasn’t so darn classy.). So I visited it once again and really tried to learn something. What I learned was don’t visit a big, tall d*ck when it’s a hundred degrees out and the sun is beating down on you. The good thing, however, was there was an air-conditioned visitor’s center where I could pretend to watch a movie of the battle of 1812 and know I wasn’t going to be tested. Even could shut my eyes when necessary. And dream of floating on an inflatable swan in the cool water while cannon fire was going on around me. I may or may not have drifted off a bit. Which leads me to Spam. I don’t know why. And I’m not talking about the stuff that shows up uninvited on your computer, but that cool stuff in a can that no one eats unless you live in Korea or Hawaii, but might remember from your childhood. If you were poor. But now I’ve done some research since I’m into history(ish) and learned way more than is necessary to get through this life. It is a portmanteau of spiced ham and pork probably. (Think brunch, linner. I just wanted to use a big word for a lame subject.). Did you know, however, that it only has six ingredients and they seal it in that cool can with a key and THEN cook it? Fascinating stuff! What a piece of history I discovered! It fed the soldiers during WWII as if they didn’t already have enough problems. Of course I don’t know much about that war except what they ate so need to visit some kind of erection to peak my ahem interest. It is no fun being classy(ish). Maybe history could have been taught in a different way. I would have had a lot more interest in our founding fathers and Alexander Hamilton if I had known what a great rapper he was…….