I was like, I know right? Finally someone recognizes my nobility! He also shot me down pretty quick with details details details. The Queen doesn’t have to mess with that stuff. Her Majesty doesn’t even carry money in her fake little purse. All show. And I like it! Sign me up. I saw a huge billboard that said ‘Let Us Treat You Like Royalty’. Yes Yes Yes!!! That’s what I’m talking about. But the small print got me a bit confused. It was explaining waxing various parts of your body that I couldn’t quite picture the ninety-one year old Queen doing. (Thank goodness. Some things you just can’t unsee). Is the Brazilian her thing or is she too much of a homer? I know the English are pretty staid and can’t imagine the amount of hair one must be left with if they get the British. But then they never take their clothes off so probably doesn’t matter. And the country is quite chilly and damp so an extra layer of fur probably does come in handy. That’s not the royal treatment I’m after. America needs a queen. And not some porn star who gets her fifteen minutes of fame from sleeping with a guy who wasn’t even President and no amount of imagination would have gotten you there. Way out fantasy. I’m talking just a normal Queen with crowns and carriages and triangular cucumber sandwiches and no responsibility but to get waxed in the nether regions and smile and wave. I could do all that! And be really good at it. Let’s face it. We can’t all be Queen. Someone needs to bow as I go by……