Author: Karebare42@aol.com

Now that I’m afraid to touch anything from the outside world without hosing it down first, I’m looking suspiciously at my floor. My dog is outside wandering through the Everglades, or desert, depending on Ohio’s wishy-washyness. (I tried to use a big word but couldn’t find it in my Google search. Guess I made it up). Said dog then comes in and spreads the whatever. So that three second rule is over, right? Not that I would ever eat anything that has been on the floor. Asking for a friend and all that. Everything is just kind of out of sorts in my world. It’s like living in Vegas. Cocktails are acceptable at any hour, I’m losing money by the minute, and it doesn’t really matter what time it is. I have learned a lot about myself during this exile, none of it that earth shattering. I love restaurants!! Going OUT to eat is my hobby. And I’m really good at it. Also, I spend way too much time at non-essential businesses. Yep, my life is kind of looking like that now, too. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. (There is.). What I’m most proud of discovering, however, is I spend way too much time touching my face. Never thought about that one before, but it’s down right scary. Won’t mention what my nails look like. You’ve got to see them to believe them. I know I don’t have to tell all I know, but I do I do! What else could I talk about if not my brilliant self? Okay, I’ll talk about other people. I hate your stupid family videos of covering songs, thinking it’s funny. To you, yes. To me, annoying. Also, news/weather people…I don’t want to see your kids wandering around, or your ugly dogs licking your face. Haha. Not funny. Feel good songs, nope. Like having to sit through you’re boring vacation pictures. What, pray tell, is a vacation, again? Sigh. Big sigh. One positive I do think will come out of this is no more hugging! Yipeee. I’ve found myself hugging people I don’t even know, or during awkward business exchanges. Just was always a weird line to cross or not. Now you’re poison, and I’m okay with that. Oprah was being interviewed on TV and she is taking it upon herself to ‘lift the countries spirits’. Now that’s quite the job, and quite the halo she has. Really? Are we looking to Oprah to make us feel better? I never did like her book club books. Always a victim. One that usually rose above the crisis. Not this time Lady O. I’ve got Governor Cuomo and his banana fingers. And the wave of locusts eating their way through Africa. And too much bad news. Blackjack!! Heading to the jewelry store. I need some fresh air. #unstablenogunsoreos

Do airport rules apply during quarantine?

Yes. Have a drink at 9am if you want to.

Should I buy a gun?

No. Your family is already very unstable. You do not need to shoot squirrels for dinner. Or the neighbor’s cat.

Is it alright to talk to the appliances?

Yes, but be careful. The washing machine will put her own spin on it.

My church has sent out a recipe for unleavened bread so I can share virtual communion with everyone. Is it okay to drink wine? Of course. A lot. It is a sacrifice we must make for our Lord.

My refrigerator is stuffed with food. Must I eat it all?

Yes. Especially the perishables like tomatoes and oranges, until you have canker sores in your mouth.

My dog just keeps bothering me for attention. Must I keep petting him?

Yes. He is the only friend you have right now.

If I’m on the phone is it okay to say I’ve gotta run?

Only if you are going to the bathroom.

Do I need to cover my gray roots?

Ugh. Yes.

Potatoes have gotten a bad wrap lately. Is it okay to eat them now?

Of course! Breakfast hash browns. Lunch fast food fries. Nice dinner baked. Easter mashed. Cocktail hour potato chips.

Is it okay to give up on my weight loss efforts?

Yes, but be careful. My scale told me to social distance. Only one person at a time.

Is it important to remember what day of the week it is?

Yes. This day, that day, the other day, someday, yesterday, today, and next day.

This too shall pass. Someday.

You all know what I’m talking about. Those wonderful high school Zoom concerts where everyone is in their own square entertaining us. Is it just me (probably) that finds it annoying? I just had a video meeting with a board I’m on and was not fond of my square. I showered and dressed. Put full makeup on, including eyebrows. But when I saw that fourple chin it was just not happening. Out and out. (And not to be judgy but you all didn’t look that great either). Kidding. Kind of. I just don’t really need to see everyone to have a conversation. It was actually distracting to the content. I was much more interested in looking at your stylish living room then hearing what you had to say. But then I’m pretty shallow sigh. Take my center square, please. I know the kids are all doing their homeschooling that way, but they only have one chin and that’s where it needs to stay. At this point, the breaking news is not. It’s the same stories reported ad nauseum, and just seeing Governor Cuomo’s sausage fingers over and over is giving me nightmares. Ohio’s Dr. Acton is now looking like a sad sad puppy and I just want to throw a shoe at her. Her calming influence is now making me prickly as you can see. My news consumption is slowing down. I’ve been starting to find our President kind of hot, and that’s a weird blogue just waiting to happen. Despite the media perception that we are all just laying around in our pj’s watching trashy Tiger shows on Netflix, most of the peeps I know are pretty busy. The parents, of course, are struggling with the kiddos to get through their online curriculum. One of my wee dearests assignments was an outdoor scavenger hunt. Well, bundle up family, it’s go time. Trying to navigate a work at home environment for those that are able takes some commitment and patience. At one time it may have seemed like the ultimate dream, but now you realize that it kind of blows and you’re growing moss. I do try to walk at the park most days, but it is getting too busy and I’m giving people dirty looks when I think they are invading my space. My hiking shoes are waterproof so I veer off the path into the muck when I sense danger ahead. Like a double stroller and a dog. Head to the hills!!! Of course I’ll probably end up with typhus and ringworm, but not the biggy. My reading genre has to change. I go through phases. Might be historical fiction for a few months, then women’s lit, or the Book Club reads that everyone’s talking about. For some reason lately, I started back to those Stephen KIngish type authors where strange stuff is happening, but the good writers make it seem all too real. Now that 2020 is stranger than fiction, I need to make my way to something lame. Like my blogues. No one finds them more brilliantly fascinating then I do. Will have to visit the archives. Might be a nice refresher to reminisce about the good ole days. Sigh.

today is March 97th. Now that I’ve been f*ck at home for a couple weeks and sentnced to a month more, the reality is starting to sink in. I was pretty chipper at first coming back from the sunshine state, but the color of March in Ohio is not good. I’m putting together my March Sadness bracket in hopes that I can leave it there as I drag into April. This weekend me and Mack Daddy took a drive downtown. It has been under major construction for two years. As if it could possibly look worse, the sheer desolation made it seem like a war zone. Of course, not that many people had been coming down there anyway, but not a car in sight. We navigated through the orange barrels without risk of penalty. Renagades! The only people out were the homeless trudging towards the shelter carrying their plastic bags of belongings. It was a stormy day and I just hated to think where they spent it with everything closed. My field trip wasn’t the refresher I had hoped it would be. However, I have made some progress at home. If you are in a conference call, you can eat ice cream. As long as you take small bites and don’t slurp, it is quite quiet. (Feedback???). Tip for future reference….don’t bring the whole container. Never a healthy choice. Especially if you are lactose intolerant. Governor DeWINE does a press conference every afternoon, so it’s 2:00 somewhere. Hint hint. Got out my puzzle collection yesterday. Starting with the kids versions for warm-up, and when I get to the 1000 pieces it will somehow become a drinking game. As in look at the box and drink. I am declining to decline but it’s going to take some deep thought. Deep. Thought. Not my forte if you’ve been reading my blogues. One of my dearests had a great idea and ordered an electric piano. I dug out all his old piano books and found lots of my old music and thought it was time to start playing again. Good idea! However, when I used to be good I could actually see the music and my back wasn’t killing after a half-hour on the bench. And the piano was in tune and some of the keys didn’t stick. My wee dearests and long gone cats have had their way with that keyboard. But I did find a book with big notes and not too difficult (beginners sniff) so one fine day I will whip open my windows and give my neighbors a magnificent concert. This is the kind of crap I fill my mind with sigh. Mack Daddy’s beard is starting to grow without the barber so will become a new metric. When it hits his waist I think I will run. So not true. You know I don’t run. At least I don’t need to worry about producing a little Coronna Vee. In nine months there will be another baby boom but they have to get their own nomenclature. Disease drop generation? Boredom brew? I’m sure little Charmine and Purelica will have thoughts on that to share with their class. Via Zoom.

Verb; the act of doing nothing

I’ve finally found something I am really good at. I should have seen it coming. I just lounge lizarded for two weeks in a place that never heard of anything corona that didn’t involve beer. They were a bit late to the game but are making a heroic effort to catch up. My vacay came at a time when some weird things started going on that I didn’t quite understand. Whew. I would think that a week later I would have cancelled and there would have been no gorgeous tan that no one has seen. Fortunately, since these are times that try peeps souls, that vitamin D boost gave me an added mental health bonanza. I’m one of the few people who, rightfully so, think the sun is good for them. So I came back to Ohio refreshed and nervous and self-quarantined but ready to nest. A lot of decisions have been made for me and I’m kind of digging it. Don’t go to work. If you say so. Stay home. Ok if I must. Read. Bingggg. Just doing my part. Let those roots grow in. Nooooooo. That’s not happening. Nice and Easy on the way. Probably won’t be nice and maybe not easy but my sacrificing stops there. I’m just not going to spread anything but my *ss and feet. Slippers do not have much support so looking forward to flip flop weather. Loads of support there. My sweatshirt collection is quite vast, and I’m on the every other day bra cycle. Let’s not get crazy here. Yesterday was nopening day of baseball season. When the schedule first came out, everyone was peeved that it was in March which is usually quite chilly on Lake Erie. Of course, it was quite lovely yesterday. Wasted energy complaining. My shopping online habit has come to a standstill. All dressed up and no where to go. Poop. My ‘better than Alexa’ and her hubby gave me and Mack Daddy a really great virtual rock concert last evening from their basement. Encore! Encore! Quarantini time was fun to share. Of course, we need to go out for the third time this week to get our two week supply of booze. Will deal with that problem later. Or not. The Metroparks have reserved 6-8 AM for seniors and those at risk to use the parks. That is SOOOO nice!! It’s pitch dark and thirty degrees!?$&!!! Then we can go shopping for the early bird specials. How about reserving from one to three in the afternoon??? Is that asking too much for a population that will be at the bottom of the list for a ventilator? I no longer have to worry about procuring toilet paper. Staples is delivering 80 rolls today. Yep, that’s what was available and I’m sure it’s going to feel just like that on my a$$. Ouch. I’d like to think I’m going to do a lot of house cleaning, but not having enough time hasn’t really been the issue. Finding it mind numbing has and will continue to be a deterrent. I still have my (low) standards. I do have a mission in mind, however, but this is top secret #beyondmindnumbing. I have 43,000 unread emails. Truth. They are all junk and I’ve tried to delete them, but while I’m deleting thirty, fifty more show up. I do have a lofty plan in mind. I spend a couple hours a day in teleconferences, or talking peeps off the ledge, so will just get that finger going until I can start fresh. Of course, when I’m let loose again the last thing I’ll probably want is to be on a device, so the cycle will continue and now my dirty laundry has been aired. Oh well. Moving on. To where?? I have built a tight bubble around me. As the Matriarch of my world, I feel it’s time to adult. One little prick and it could all whoosh away. I ain’t scared. Kind of. #don’tbeaprick #goaheadandpronouncetheLinsalmon

That the world was coming to an end. I didn’t, and I know everything brilliant Boomlennial that I am. I haven’t blogued in awhile since nothing was rattling around in my brain fighting to get out. The news was boring. You can only punch at the President for so long before it’s tuned out. No big weather calamities. Family fairly stable. Mack Daddy and I have spent a lot of time in front of the fire reading fiction which is nice but not blogue worthy. I set a really high bar. Right. But now that Armageddon, or the Zombie Apocalypse (pick your craziness) is upon, what is one to think? I’m somewhat self-quarantined in Hotel California (see old blogue from a year ago#oneofmyfinest#arenttheyall), because I haven’t seen many people. And the sun is out, which kills all viruses. That’s my story and that of other brilliant people. Not really but if it’s in print it is not fake news. People are still going out and about here because we are on vacation and have already flown so on the march to oblivion. It is funny, though, how you approach life now. A sneeze or cough sends everyone running. To what or where has yet to be determined. A doorknob becomes a lethal weapon. Fortunately, I already was a bit of a germ snob and always carry sanitizer with me and not afraid to use it. On me or you. Beware. I am going to venture to the grocery store this morning because I’ve heard the shelves are bare. If there’s no diet tonic water that is a major problem. As I sit outside with the palm trees blowing this morning, it’s hard to believe this is truly the end of the world. Am I exaggerating? You heard it here first……

I believe in freedom of speech. Drinking, of course, promotes this freedom. After way too many years staring at bad TV most evenings, I was ripe for the seduction. There is a whole scene out there that captivated me. I’m not talking table service of Veuve and pounding music, more like can you scoot down a stool and make some room please. I have become a bar dweller. Not in a bad way, in the best way. Who knew? There is a rather large contingent of people who eat at bars. Not just when waiting for a table, or unable to get one, but by choice. At first I was baffled by this. It’s crowded. You cannot peruse the whole restaurant. But service is immediate, bar tenders know you and what you drink, and there are many around town regulars. Doctors and lawyers and Indian chiefs, oh my. They are nice! They are sociable! They may or may not have watched the same bad TV that I did, but dinner is always an experience beyond the food. Not always a good one, perhaps, but always a story to rehash. Last evening, while juggling the whole bar around to accommodate me and my I Don’t Know What To Call Him, I couldn’t help hearing the people next to us. A younger woman introduced herself to a much older Boomlennial type (who needed a bit more upkeep in my snarky opinion), and her husband. I learned. There aren’t a lot of secrets in small bars with loud talkers. Raggedy Boomlennial immediately started going on about surgeries and pains etcetcetc. I wasn’t really listening because my I Don’t Know What to Call Him #checkpreviousblogue, were catching up on our oh-so-fascinating day. I was irritated that Raggedy was giving Boomlennials a bad reputation for being old. Say not! Young one started texting a bit and nodding and aheming and I figured wanted out of the monologue. But soon young ones man showed up and they were all talking and laughing and enjoying the evening. Love that bar scene! There are singles and travelers, but I would say that mainly it’s a contingent of like-minded people enjoying their freedom of speech and a healthy detachment from staring at a screen. I suppose not everyone sees the allure of this lifestyle, thank goodness. It’s like when I told everyone how great my doctor was and then could never get an appointment because she was always booked. Dinner at bars is bad. Very bad.

That’ll be fun. I try to be the positive voice of all Boomlennials. Yes. All. Boomlennials. Many of us start doubting our abilities, because let’s/let’s not face it, things have not all been pretty. Yesterday I was playing with my wee dearests, which is mostly fun and sometimes challenging. Why do I have to keep getting blown up?? It’s hard enough getting down on the floor once, but when my character keeps getting flung across the room it’s just not fair. Up down. Up down. Can we just sit and read a book already?! My knees took a major hit and I don’t like to admit defeat. Next time we play I’m going to be the bad guy with superior powers where I only float and glare holes right through you. Speaking of glares, my wee ones were demonstrating ‘the look’ I give when I get mad. Now I don’t get mad at them very often but, man, I think they nailed it. That’s what you get when you blow me up too often humph. Speaking of wee ones, boys and girls, I’m trying to put an age limit on who can be called that. My Manfriend, who I just learned doesn’t like that term of endearment, calls women girls all the time even though they are usually his peers. Not a new subject in the age of Aquarius, of course, but I can be relentless. And I don’t want to be anyone’s Boomlennial girlfriend. Nor do I want one of those boyfriends, but the Google search hasn’t hit the right term yet. There are, however, some oddball ones. Patooties we aren’t. The more important issue is that Manfriend let me call him Manfriend for three years when he didn’t like it. Maybe/maybe not worth ‘exploring’. Since I don’t want to talk about helicopter crashes, and families just poof gone, the trivial side of my brain is digging in. I feel like 9/11 when the country was feeling a collective pain for people we didnt know personally. Just too hard to wrap your head around the poofness of life. Every lame cliche that comes to mind about carpe diem is just that. We are all just pouf. One way or day. Gone. So I’m going to try to be brave enough to suck at something new. And not be afraid to get blown up and thrown across the room. Now to hope my Manfriend is comfortable with Mack Daddy…..

is a really dumb question. But I guess if you can be trans anything, I might as well ponder it. After a really bad wind storm that knocked out my electricity, I spent eight hours trying to decide if that lifestyle was for me. At six in the morning it is pitch black. No I don’t want to go out and milk the cows in the dark, which I am afraid of. Not the cows, silly, but the dark. I have night lights in all my rooms which are really quite festive and give me something to buy as a souvenir when traveling. No refrigerator magnets for this swinging Boomlennial. Since there was no electricity, however, I had to creep downstairs clutching the banister like a life rope. Found my phone with the flashlight which let me breathe. Whew. Not diggin the Amish thing yet. Sat and played solitaire on my IPad for two hours. Time I’ll never get back again sniff. The thing with no electricity is also the absence of water and heat. Water meaning Flushing Toilets ahhhhh!!!! Since I couldn’t make coffee, anyway, it was not that big of an issue. Yet. Manfriend brought me some Starbucks which I desperately needed, but let’s not go There. Now what would the Amish do? I sat by my Christmas tree enjoying the scent while waiting for a bit more sun to swing around to my windows. Hmmmm. Ohio. December. Sun. No reading by that dull light. Saved by my brand new gas logs so I could at least get some warmth and knit. My brethren would be proud of this task. Until I got antsy and needed to do Something. I didn’t want to use up the charge on my phone so decided to clean out my pen drawer. Yes, I do have one of those and bet you do too. I love pens. Really nice, fat pens with my name engraved, or some fancy company’s. Or slender and gold to mark a special occasion. Alas, I also have them from every bank and hotel I’ve ever been to, and most don’t even work anymore. So I tried them out and threw many away and decided I had reached a new low in my life. Yes, I do have friends and family whose homes I could have gone to, but didn’t want to accept defeat this easily. Plus with no water and no shower I wouldn’t be the most welcome guest. I piddled. And piddled. Called the electric company to try to get an update but that was a joke of course. Eight hours. Not used to pulling an all dayer. Pretty rough. The Amish are kind of confused I think. It’s not evil to be able to see and do, is it? Or did I just earn some unknown reward for a bit of suffering in a land of plenty. I think not. Let there be light. And now I can go milk the cows.

The most wonderful time of the year, as Andy Williams would sing, has finally come and gone. But is it really? The madness has gotten out of control. The ridiculous shopping, the crazy traffic, and the obligations that many don’t seem to like being obligated too. (Felt the need/want to throw in some bad grammar). People were cranky. Or at least I was so I as-summed everyone else was also. The weather wasn’t very festive. Most days the sun forgot to get up and can’t say that I blame it. Go back to the dark side of the moon. So what really is the most wonderful time of the year?? Spring is glorious. Those first tepid days when you go outside and dust yourself off. The inch tall flowers all the sudden seem magical. Green takes on a quality that no crayon box can duplicate. Ahhh. Then it starts heating up and your white crust fades a bit and you can shake and bake and feel that sun tantalizingly licking you. (Cigarette break….). Could that be the most wonderful time of the year? But then the leaves start popping brilliant colors, the air becomes filled with the scent of fires burning, and the Browns still suck. But a whole new landscape unfolds right before your itchy sweaters. All most wonderful! And then the dreaded holidays and the country becomes a caricature of idiots. It is fun for a few weeks and if you have young children it’s great! But if you’re a parent of young children the school-less season is probably not living up to the hype. And is just a lot of work. I used to love the Andy Williams Christmas special. His huge, happy family would sit around a beautiful tree that wasn’t already losing its needles and sing the carols which I still love. Go fantasy! Maybe me and mine are just kind of dysfunctional (maybe?) and others are living the dream. I think not. I’m just spilling my cookie laden guts and hopeful that the sun will come out tomorrow, tomorrow.