Money doesn’t buy…

…..eyes in the back of your head.  I was watching a Person Of Interest backing up a cherry red Bentley into a huge parking space and it was a no go.  Hilarious.  I thought he was purposely trying to take up two spots for ahole reasons, but no.  He got out and mumbled ‘not even close’ and started up once again.  My MF and I just stared in awe.  I may or may not have laughed.  We know the POI so it was ok.  I think.  What was funny/not funny is I do that on a daily basis.  Sober.  I can’t back up.  Dang.  I have cameras and pictures and traffic light colors and bells and whistles and uglier sounds all for naught.  On the line, off the driveway, in the grass, lost in embarrassment even when alone.  Over the years, my garage has taken the brunt of it, followed by mirror(s), mailboxes, tires, curbs, dignity.  I like to think there’s an evolutionary reason for this and I’m on a much higher plane where this skill set is deemed unnecessary.  Huh?  (Sleep on it.)  I even have tricks.  I turn the radio off.  Open the windows.  Decide between watching the camera, mirrors, or just neck aerobics.   All for show, no go.  Once I lost my hearing for a few weeks and someone should have taken my keys away.  (Advice time…..don’t fly when you are sick.  The ear drums don’t respond well.  Of course the other passengers don’t mind a bit).  Say what?  What??  I can’t heeeeear yoooooo.  Anyway, because I couldn’t hear I also couldn’t judge distance and backed right into another car.  Yes that still makes sense to me.  And because no one in the Target parking lot saw it (please don’t be a follower please don’t be a follower) I took off.  Slooooowly.  Looking around.  Still not quite committed to fleeing the crime scene.  But how could I have a conversation with someone like the popo when I couldn’t hear, right?  I wasn’t even old yet so couldn’t fall back on that cliche.  Now I can hear fine.  But still can’t backup.  And don’t have a Bentley.  Or witnesses.  Shhhhh…..