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Not a good day.  It has come to this.  Just when I thought it wasn’t possible.  I have lost a follower.  I got the whole story why and should have taken notes which I suggested because I knew alllll those reasons would escape me days later which they have darn bloodies.  Which is really okay because now I can make it all up and since they are my X they won’t see my diatribe and I can certainly run with a bit of truth.  Which might have been the point hmmmmm.  My X may or may not be one of my dearests.  See, no names please.  And I may or may not reference them when blahing on and on about nothing which is pretty much what this blogue does.  Just a place holder until that book deal comes through and the Today show.  Hope they do my hair and makeup.  And have good lighting.  And book me on the same day as George Clooney and Brett Favre.  See??  About absolutely nothing.  But my X feels like he/she may have been called out or blah blahed about which may or may not be true,  but when you have Almost a million followers I’m not sure if that dotted line leads there.  The Boomlennial has a whole-lots-oh-characters in the book of life and can dig one out of the archives to make a point when necessary.  And let’s face it.  None of us are getting more normal as the ants go marching one by one hurrah hooray.  I will miss my X not being here, though, because they are being deprived of so much enriching blah blah and that makes me sad.  I’m sure Matt Lauer will want to explore that further….

Life says:  ‘She did this’.  Books are where things are explained to you.  And we need that.  We are terrible at drawing our own conclusions on others motivations, yet we think in absolutes.  I always say there are three sides to every story.  His side, her side, and the truth.  Yet we are quick to believe and make judgements without finishing the book.  The media has blown that into a whole new level of absurdity.  And monotony.  They take a ‘breaking’ story and rehash it for days.  Old news yet it never seems to get to the back pages.  I’ll wait till the book comes out.  Now one absolutely absolute whole truth and nothing but the truth is that there are two types of people, readers and non-readers.  And they will never understand each other.  The brilliant, interesting readers cannot understand how/why someone doesn’t like to read books.  I know, right??   And the non-reader finds it boring and will never get how/why someone finds that pleasurable.  Maybe I just need life explained to me.  Every book I read is non-fiction. Even the fiction books.  I believe it all.  Two paragraphs into a book I know if I’m going to like it and Believe.  Steven King’s Pet Cemetary still makes me look at my animals weirdly and doubt them.  A good book carries you to places you’re never going to be.  All real to me.  And always there for me.  No judgements.

Yep hear me out.  Christmas in December is off.  Done.  Not sponge worthy.  But the November celebration is so fun!!!  In November you can go to the grocery store and buy all those Ziploc containers with red and green snowflakes and pretend you’re going to fill them with scrumptious cookies for everyone knowing that the oven will remain clean and like new.  Kleenex in cute little boxes with reindeer wearing ornament necklaces.  Adorbs.  By June the frolic gets a bit tiring when allergies replace colds but for now I’m excited when I sneeze.  The ‘Limited Addition’ snowflake shaped Ritz crackers are so worth the buildup.  Won’t be finding those in December my friend.   My mailbox is leaning with the weight of all those catalogs I have no intention of shopping from, but will plan my new shiny wardrobe for all those parties I won’t be invited to.  Can’t put up a tree yet or it will become naked and fire bait soon enough.  I am so into this November holiday season!!!    And then.  And then.  It’s December and people start asking me confusing  questions.  “Are you  READY FOR CHRISTMAS????”  said with a panicked look in their eyes.  Nope, haven’t even started training yet.  I am ready for some football, however, and intend to watch a lot of it until it vanishes poof.  “Do you have your SHOPPING ALLLL DONE”??????  Oh yea.  Two hours on Amazon takes care of that.  In a world where people drop a G for a new phone because it has moving emojis, they aren’t waiting for me to fill their every wish.  My dearests have enough socks and underwear.  Even my wee dearests end up with toooooo much because at least their stuff is cool and they are still growing.  And not just Boomlennial sideways.  Will give it my best to make sure they stay unjaded and continue to believe that Santa sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows when you’re awake, and knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!  Now that song is just mean.  Won’t be belting that out this November.  Just going to sit back and let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.  And watch the pretty colored leaves pile up.

This whole subject might not be of total interst to my half million male followers, but it should be.  If you have any females in your life it is of most importance.  Okay, second most.  Are you still here??  I’m talking about black tights season.  I’ve waited all spring and summer for this and not just for me but the women in my world who could use a little something something.    I’ve found it of extra importance this year because my pup/cow likes to ram into my legs creating blotches and bloody holes that nobody needs to see.  This week has been particularly rough because he’s wearing the cone of shame after a nip snip that he should be proud of since it shows all those b*tches that he is a caring, responsible male.  But being that I’m the only b*tch in his life he has been battering me with that cone and it hurts!  All those half moon bruises aren’t making me respect his decision.  Black tights ahhhh.  Pantyhose are out of style but that is something I’m hoping comes back and I’m counting on men to encourage their ladies to wear them.  As much as the Boomlennial woman and her younger compadres might think they look good naked legged, they don’t.  Tatoos can be attractive, but when they have matching lines and lumps and stuff not out of an ink bottle it’s just kind of ewwwww.  Then the lumpiness moves up to the a$$ which could just benefit from something to support all that jiggle.  Princess Kate always has a nice pair of shiny legs and should be our role model.  Who never wanted to be a princess, right?   So join the movement.  Black Tights Matter.

 

-n.  the moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.

We all know that feeling.  I didn’t do my homework yet.  The kids didn’t do their homework yet.  I didn’t finish my presentation.  What am I going to wear?  I hope I get the flu.  I already have a stomach ache……    we all know what I’m talking about here.  Along the way you might have liked school or your job but the mood just takes a turn.  My dearest little T told me he doesn’t go to school on the S days and him and I need to schedule a day together.  After I got done marveling that my favorite boy is already more mature then I am,  it got me thinking that he is already looking forward to weekends.  And probably has had a few Smondays.  I’m also aware that sometimes the S days come with their own stresses.  Being unstructured can be oh-lot-of-work.  Now I have to MAKE PLANS.  Saying I want to relax and do nothing sounds good until you have nothing to do and that most certainly is not relaxing for the Boomlennial.  We outgrew all that hippiedom darn.   Retirement used to be the goal for many but that model doesn’t work that well for a lot of  us.  You love the S days because they are special.  When faced with only S days you find out you’re just not that interesting/interested and your dog really doesn’t need to be walked that much.  So acknowledge that Smonday can be a good thing because you are still diggin the F day.  TGI!!!

I have a problem.  Okay that is funny.  As in Aa problem.  Singular.  One.  I have problem(s) of course. Are there actually people who have Aa problem??  Ponderings for another day.  Right now I am shivering outside with a hoodie on and wondering where to go next.  When I started this blogue in the summer I would sit outside and write and just enjoy being a slug.  Plus, I needed to get my pup out so he could chew some wood that wasn’t connected to a table.  But as I’ve surfed around the house to find something equally  inspiring it’s just not happening for me.  Kitchen, better empty the dishwasher.  TV calls me in the family room.  BEDroom?  Enough said.  Bathroom ewwwww.  So suffice it to say my hands are numb, pup is soaked, and that book deal better come sooner rather than later.  Everyone is writing a book it seems.  The Bush twins have confiscated all the talk shows recanting amazing stories about how normal their life has been.  Not interesting!  Show me a trainwreck and that’s a must read.  Melissa Rivers has written about Joan but that is just making me nervous.  My dearests would never talk about me that way after I’m gone.  Of course not.  Ever.  No way.   Yikes!!   Better write that on the chalkboard a hundred times.  Even Colin Kaepernick just signed a book deal and his whole story would take a paragraph.  Mediocre quarterback, goes down on one knee for anthem.  Maybe if he has numerous tricks on how to get back up gracefully that could give him another few lines but really a book?  So I need to embrace being an outsider.  And knit some fingerless gloves.  And get a Huskie.  And a Yeti coffee mug.  And furry boots.  And a mink coat.  Aa problem is solved.

unless it is a purse with someone else’s name on it that would make my life complete.  And does.  But that’s not really where I’m going here.  Have to cancel because you’re sick?  Maybe.  Possibly.  Oh the kids are sick.  Kids are always sick.  I’m very over-extended  at work.  Don’t make me laugh.  Getting my drift here?  I just don’t buy it anymore.  People do what they want to do.  Which of course is an oversimplification but I never said this was deep, thoughtful commentary BTW.  A good friend of mine (don’t worry your secret is safe with me hahahahahaha) told me she hadn’t seen her manfriend all weekend because he was so busy at work and went on to explain about double shifts and overtime and some other things I wasn’t really listening to because it takes a lot of energy not to roll your eyes.  And since one of my dearest accuses me of saying totally inappropriate things at times (never) I was trying to pick my words carefully.  And being that I sometimes (always) have poor judgement I had to explain that if he wanted to see you he would have time constraints be damned!  Now that wasn’t inappropriate was it?  Guess I just don’t buy excuses anymore.  Heard them all, made them all.  You’re late because of the zombie apocalypse?  Good one.  Heard it/used it.  Rush hour.  Traffic.  Yep twice a day, everyday.  Remember the cheesy movie Love Story (wiping nose break) and the ridiculous line “Love means never having  to say your sorry”?  I never quite got the point of it then so I’m reworking it with fifty years of stockpiled excuses.  Just don’t bother.  Doesn’t really matter and if you survived the Zombies it will be a most entertaining story.   I am tremendously not sorry if I offended you.  Also not inappropriate.

1.  Make a list.    Check X

2.  Clean out closets and drawers.

3.  Don’t do laundry for weeks and all the closets and  drawers look much neater.  Check X

4.  Buy new underwear.  Check X

5.  Add five thousand more steps a day.

6.  Add five thousand more steps a day only on the weekend.

7. Put Fitbit on dog and declare victory.  Check X

8.  Go through recipes and find exciting, nutritious foods to cook.

9.  Clean out expired food in fridge.

10.  Marvel that pickles last forever and are considered a side dish.  Check X

11.  Decide fridge is too clean to mess up.  Make reservations.  Check X

12.  Get a jump on the holidays.  Name a star after everyone.  Check X.   (They’ll love it!)

13. Make New Years resolutions.

14.  Resolve to find an actual check mark on the keyboard.

15.  Resolve never to make a dumb list.  Check X

Before you screw up your face and think that is a ridiculous statement (#brilliantboomlennial) give it a second of big world thinking.  There’s the obvious, yep out of the playoffs again.  Yep, you’re fired.  Yep, you suck.  But then there’s the sneaky stuff.  You’re out on the little big town and having a great time.  Do you decide to go because you’re having too much fun?  Nope.  You stay until things start taking a downward turn #gettingtiredgettingdrunkgettingbored or maybe the opposite of all that.  In which case you stay until you clean some of that up.  Stay with me here.  Everything’s ‘jumping the shark’ these days which I don’t get what it has to do with sea creatures but it’s about things that go on just a bit too long.  TV series that are no longer entertaining but try to squeak out another year, ending on a low note.  Then there’s the great series like the Sopranos that could have continued but had a terrible fade to black last episode, also ending badly.  The seasons?  Summer great!  End of summer….shriveled flowers, green pool, brown lawn.  Ending badly.  Winter….beautiful  white snow turning into dirty everything.  If you are still reading you know where this is going.  Or not.  #endingbadly

The trouble with being a Boomlennial is you just know too much.  Not only the rules, but the exceptions.  The winds of change Change, and I can’t wait.  While this political and social climate have seemed to reach a new level of absurdity, I’m sure a person with too much time on their fingertips could find many instances where we are just recycling through the past.    ‘Endless repetition of the same basic pattern’.    So true and about the only thing I remember from college.  Be grateful I’m not a doctor.  Oops.  Ok a real one that wears white year round, a major fashion faux pas.  I’ve tried to keep fake news and politics off this space because it’s quite redundant and not very interesting anymore and I know it will blow away soon enough good riddance.  However…..the Boomlennial by nature likes to keep in the mix.  And I have pretty strong opinions on everything.    E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.   So let it be known that I am pro-eggnog.  I’m willing to listen to your arguements and retaliations, but I stand or kneel or pour a shot of Jack into my convictions.  Cheers.