Do airport rules apply during quarantine?
Yes. Have a drink at 9am if you want to.
Should I buy a gun?
No. Your family is already very unstable. You do not need to shoot squirrels for dinner. Or the neighbor’s cat.
Is it alright to talk to the appliances?
Yes, but be careful. The washing machine will put her own spin on it.
My church has sent out a recipe for unleavened bread so I can share virtual communion with everyone. Is it okay to drink wine? Of course. A lot. It is a sacrifice we must make for our Lord.
My refrigerator is stuffed with food. Must I eat it all?
Yes. Especially the perishables like tomatoes and oranges, until you have canker sores in your mouth.
My dog just keeps bothering me for attention. Must I keep petting him?
Yes. He is the only friend you have right now.
If I’m on the phone is it okay to say I’ve gotta run?
Only if you are going to the bathroom.
Do I need to cover my gray roots?
Ugh. Yes.
Potatoes have gotten a bad wrap lately. Is it okay to eat them now?
Of course! Breakfast hash browns. Lunch fast food fries. Nice dinner baked. Easter mashed. Cocktail hour potato chips.
Is it okay to give up on my weight loss efforts?
Yes, but be careful. My scale told me to social distance. Only one person at a time.
Is it important to remember what day of the week it is?
Yes. This day, that day, the other day, someday, yesterday, today, and next day.
This too shall pass. Someday.