Now that I have that song thumping through your head I will proceed with more serious matters. So serious. I finally did The Deed, capital T. All winter I was paranoid about falling. So many of my peeps were wiping out on the ice, of which there was a lot of for some reason. I was always hoping for a blizzard so I could at least get some traction. (Cold weather makes my brain freeze.) I never even opened a door without grabbing my phone so sure that I was going to tumble right out into a massive glacier. People were breaking things in eighty different places, and that was just on a wrist. I walked like a penguin and didn’t mind the odd stares. Much. Front foot in front of the other, waddle waddle waddle, balancing your weight. You don’t see those geniuses bumping down the street on crutches, right? But, alas, by June I thought I could let my guard down. Idiot. The other evening I was out on my sandstone deck after a huge rainstorm. Not thinking. Not on high alert. Whoa is me. (Trying to drag out the drama. Or create some). There are certain areas on the deck that are quite shaded so have a fine moss that normally goes unnoticed. Except when wet. Danger! Danger! Walk like an Egyptian! Why Do they walk that way hmmm? Google break. They don’t. In their hieroglyphs, they were very cognizant to show all their body parts, sure that some voodoo-like spell would take them away. They also liked to be barrel chested so others would think them strong. I personally think they were very poor artists, but great Pictionary players! Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet. Back to me, ugh. My unwebbed foot took a big slide on the wet moss and I went down. Hard. Nothing got broken except my spirit. The good(?) thing is I fell on my side and absorbed a lot of it with my thigh and shoulder. And head. Who knew that thing can actually bounce? Now into day three and I’m feeling pretty chipper, but that black eye has to go. Scared myself when I looked in the mirror the following morning, but fortunately it was so swollen I couldn’t see very well. Lucky, lucky me. My ex-Manfriend said it would probably look better if I didn’t put so much purple eyeshadow on. Give me strength. So now I can’t go outside except for one brief week in November. Out of strategy. I am glad it’s sunglass season and I am a movie star. #hideyourweeones#aclockworkorange#angrypanda