Got Nipples?

Love this time of year when all the new diet and health trends are touted out as being the best and brightest. And I usually fall for most of them until I don’t. Keto lasted two days and that was one day too many. Putting butter in my coffee instead of milk made me want to puke which I guess is one form of weight management. A very disgusting way. I’m no doctor (well yes I am but a really sucky one), but that cannot be good for you. Neeeeext. There are many versions of milk out there but try as I might I cannot find a nipple on that almond or cashew. Where do they hide those glands? Oatmeal milk is all the buzz but even with my glasses, nope, no nipple. Got milk?? How? Coconut I could almost accept because it at least has that ‘look’. Rather hard and implant lookish but ok. Now banana milk is out but even I’m not going there yikes! A new product just coming out from a top brand is a ‘plant-based’ yogurt. Yogurt is made from animal produced milk you morons! At least they see the error of their ways and are working on a different way to market it. Geesh. Call it juice, call it drink, call it Koolaid for gosh sakes but we the people are smart enough to know it’s not milk. (That’s a joke BTW). Another fascinating thing I recently heard was that cardigan sweaters are back in style. Whaaaat??? How did I miss that they were OUT of style? I watch too many lame shows to not know this. The news clip told the viewers to raid their grandmother’s closet for great, old finds. Sorry but no one’s touching my hip, bright, warm cashmere sweaters. They are staying right on the rocking chair where they belong. The news segment also used the word unt when talking about someone’s aunt which should be pronounced ant. Just annoys me when I hear that. Feels so wrong. I’m starting to feel like a Seinfeld episode so time for some Cheerios and banana milk. Gag.