is no longer the place to be. Faaaaarm livin is not the life for me. After living out of the city for most of my adultish life, I notice the landscape is getting more hostile. And spooking me a bit. The deer have eaten all the yummy flowers and foliage, fine. I enjoy them, and it beats a pink flamingo and sapphire globe on a pedestal. However, the few have grown into herds as the woods have shrunk with development. I fully expect to see them laying at my pool eventually. I already have two ducks that inhabit that every spring to lay their eggs and poop. And poop. They must do something else during the day but I wonder. The dog usually takes care of the eggs slurp but one year they did hatch a litter or pod or something I don’t feel like Googling, and the ducklings were adorable. However…..they disappeared one by one. Hmmmmmm. My dog didn’t eat for a week but he would never be so crude as to act like an animal. I thought of protecting them but survival of the fittest and all that. Nature’s way. Perhaps the ducks will find more suitable quarters this year then chlorine and canine. And now The Problem. Coyotes. The rats of the country. They’ve attacked my neighbor’s dogs twice, and they have no enemies or fear of humans. I’ve gone after them with a mug of hot coffee, a yellow truck no less, and the mean glare. ‘The Look’ used to work on my dearests but not so much on the coyotes. Which leads to The Bigger Issue. I am not a gun person. Nor am I not not a gun person. (Stick with me here.). I just never cared. I’ve shot skeet before and did ok, but never really thought the gun was an actual weapon. It was fun and a game and probably should not have been accompanied by a keg. If not for the large bruises it caused on my arms and shoulders I might have persued it more diligently. Cute camo vests and funky glasses and all that. Guns, however, are becoming real to me. People love them or hate them. Some of the people who love them rarely shoot them. They mostly collect them and lock them up in big safes, and maybe smell them if they had a bad day. Into them, but not Into them. Like a curio cabinet in the dining room. And then there’s the other side which doesn’t really need explanation. I don’t want a gun. If you’ve been reading this blogue since inception you know I probably shouldn’t have a gun. As they say about martinis….one is not enough and two is too many. However, I would pass a background check front of the line. Teacher’s pet. Maybe because the endless winter is getting to me, and the howling of the coyotes at night is more haunting then enchanting, I feel like a speck. A very vulnerable speck. The neighbors are getting a possee together to take out the dreaded coyotes which I understand, but it’s still making me nervous. Not ready to enlist but for once the thought has crossed my mind and I’m not really liking it there. Newwww York is where I’d rather stay. I get allergic smelling hay. I just adore a penthouse view. Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue. Desperate times, desperate measures. Shudder.